Yo.
I have a soft spot for apes. Probably in no small part because I am one. Like, I could watch the movie Dunston Checks In
So, we already know that non-human apes can act in movies. This in itself warrants awe and ponderous reflection. However, if you’re like me, you’ve assumed all your life that apes are intrinsically innocent creatures, who go around grinning, nibbling on bananas, and carrying baby versions of themselves on their backs.
But, even if you’re not like me, you may still be surprised at what the latest science has shown about chimpanzees’ capacity to plan out devious acts ahead of time…. I.e., they’re not just mischievous, they plan ahead and lie in wait to spring their mischief. So maybe Rise of the Planet of the Apes
This guy:
In unison now: Awwwww. He looks like all he wants in this world is a jungle gym
and some fruit (I think that goes for us as well). Sure, if you’re at the zoo and you walk by he might throw a little rock or something at you, but where else is he going to get his fun? He just wants to be your friend!
… Or does he?
Research published last week out of Sweden involved watching a captive chimpanzee very, very closely. Here’s the short story of what they concluded: 1) Chimps like throwing things at people (hey, sometimes I do too), 2) Chimps will stockpile projectiles in advance, 3) Chimps will manufacture concealments for these projectiles ahead of time, 4) Chimps will make these hidden stashes right next to the visitor observation area, and 5) Chimps will modify their behavior so they make fewer displays of dominance, i.e., they’ll lull you into a false sense of comfort.
I would like to animate this for you:
I’m not one to tell people how to feel, but you should be impressed. Seriously, I don’t think a human kid could pull that off until he was at least 5 or 6 years old. So, y’know, don’t underestimate the next chimp you meet. He might have more planned for you than just grinning and somersaulting.
Stay nerdy. 
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Osvath, M., & Karvonen, E. (2012). Spontaneous Innovation for Future Deception in a Male Chimpanzee PLoS ONE, 7 (5) DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0036782
Sorry, but I don’t see why people are so fascinated with apes and monkeys, they kind of give me the creeps. And as you probably know, chimps can be very dangerous!
But those little faces!!! Haha
And yeah, I realize that, sadly, I shouldn’t just go up and befriend apes and monkey. Sigh!
the trouble is when stupid people try to make them into pets, make them wear stupid clothes, feed them “human” foods that make them ill, and don’t understand that when they reach sexual maturity, they want to go and . . . you know. What part of “wild animal” don’t people understand???
What the what?! That is sooo human-y. What now separates us from our humble ancestors if they are using “sacrifice” and “willpower” and “intelligence” in order to pre-plan pummeling zoo goers with projectiles? What ever happened to monkey-see-monkey-do?? We are doomed. They are planning. The end is nigh. Who would of thunk it: human’s fetish with various endgame scenarios of the apocalypse comes not at the hands of a super-volcano or a meteor or world war three, but from a chimp takeover. Hmmm.. Now that is high satire. A nice little satyr play to the modern tragedy that is life today.
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